Peringatan untuk diri sendiri...

Banyak perkara yang selalu menimbulkan persoalan bila aku memerhati dan mendengar apa yang berlaku seharian di sekeliling...dari pembacaan, apa yang aku tonton dan apa yang aku lihat dengan mata kepala sendiri

Kita kata kita takutkan Allah...takut tuhan
tapi berapa banyak perkara mungkar yang kita sengaja buat setiap hari
Bila dah buat, yang akan didengar ialah alasan-alasan untuk mengiyakan perbuatan itu...
Di mananakah kita tergolong?
Mungkin terlalu banyak perkara-perkara kecil yang diambil mudah hanya kerana tidak sesiapa pun kisah meskipun ia terang-terangan berdosa. Akhirnya langsung tak terasa apa-apa dan lagi tak kisah apabila melakukan kemungkaran yang makin besar.
Atas nama sayang...cinta dan kasihan...dosa pun dianggap ringan.
Berapa ramai yang akan menegur dan lakukan sesuatu jika melibatkan orang-orang yang kita sayang...yang paling rapat dengan kita?
Anak-anak mungkin kena marah kalau result exam tak bagus...malahan ada yang kena denda atau pukul tapi bila anak-anak yang dah lebih 10 tahun tak solat. Nothing will happen to them.
Isteri mungkin kena marah kalau masak tak sedap atau lambat masak tapi tak pernah pula kena marah kalau tak solat atau dedahkan aurat.
Suami mungkin kena leter kalau lambat balik selalu atau lambat beri duit belanja tapi berapa ramai isteri yang sanggup marahkan suami atau "mogok"kalau dia merokok dan tak solat pulak tu.
Akhirnya akan lahirlah satu generasi yang tak pernah ditegur...kalau ditegur pun, cuma teguran tanpa sebarang usaha untuk mempastikan ianya akan dilakukan...
So in the end...makin banyak yang tak diamalkan dan semua orang makin "jauh" daripada agama.Akhirnya amalan dalam hidup seharian kita tak nampak beza dengan yang tak bertuhankan Allah.

Memang kita akan tetap Allah berikan rezeki dan kehidupan yang boleh kita nikmati kerana rezeki Allah terbuka untuk semua manusia.
Yang berbeza ialah sama ada kita beriman kepada Allah dengan yakin kerana itu yang akan membezakan cara hidup kita dengan manusia sesama agama yang kufur dan manusia yang kafir.
Mungkin kita rasa kita tak layak kerana ilmu agama kita dirasakan tak cukup tetapi selagi kita menyuruh yang lain yang dibawah tanggungjawab kita mengikut apa yang jelas dituntut dan yang dilarang Allah...pasti kita takkan terpesong dari landasan-Nya.

Learning to say NO in life

We don't like to say NO in our life most of the time...

NO sometime can be perceived or assumed to be something negative about us especially when it involved something that we cannot do.

At home, hard for us to say NO to our wife, kids, parent and siblings especially when we become the centre of hopes on many things.

At work...much more difficult to say NO to our superiors although there are things that we are not able to do or beyond our scope of works.

With close friends...also hard to say NO when our help is needed.

In most situations, saying NO can turn us to become unpopular and all sort of negative talks and perception will continue to be showered to us.

To me...saying NO if we really need to is all about us being honest to ourselves. It is about we are going against our own ego and admit our limitation or weaknesses. We always think about how people might say or think about us and at the certain extent...we let that feeling dictate our responses. Later we tend to create the justifications on why we should do that although we are also pretty sure from within us that we cannot do that. Why? Because on we know our own strengths and limits.

I was caught in that kind of moments many times in my life and as I move on...experiences telling me that we just need to say NO when we need to say it eventhough it may involve closest people in our life. First, if we can't be honest to ourselves, we won't be honest to them as well I believe if they really someone who care and really appreciate us, they also need to accept things about us that is not in their favour including our weaknesses and limitations.

It is hard and it will never be easy but if we believe in the right thing to do..we just need to do it because if we don't know what kind of troubles that we are inviting by doing something we are not sure or we can't afford to do.
We like to please everyone and we love to be adored by people with all the positive impressions about us. Most of the time, we just like want to be like the way think how we should be and in the end, we let them to dictate what we we should be.

The society itself has its own set of package of characteristics about people although it has never been written or formalized anywhere. It is just there and either we like it or not we have to deal with it. Saying NO to that will make us against everyone although they are totally wrong about certain things. It is also happen in our own house sometime. For example, have we ever asked ourselves how open are we with our own wife and children? How many things that we are actually have doubt or scare to tell them because if we do, we may not look that good anymore or they may be less impressed with us. To justify that, we may agree that everyone has their own secrets and we just leave it like that and hoping it will continue that way.

As a normal human, we tend to hide or weaknesses and mistakes. Other than that we prefer to look good rather than as losers. We want to be seen more successfull and happier than others and along the way, we tend to be dishonest to ourselves as well.

Was it easy?Based on personal experience...it may be the hardest thing to do in my life but I cannot explain the the great feeling that I can feel after that although I have to deal with all the setbacks.
One good example in my life was when I have to say NO to my father's dream for me to be a doctor.
Another one was when I have to say NO to my wedding to be arranged soon after I engaged because I just could not afford to pay all the expenses yet although my fiance's parent really pushed me for it that time.

On the smaller thing...I said NO to smoking although almost 100% of my friends in school and campus were smoking. After all, they are still my friends now...of course those who are in touch with me...

All that were among the toughest time in my life but I am grateful enough now that I did that.
Now, I believe that everyone who close to me knows that, whenever I say NO, they tend to be more receptive rather than questioning my words or abilties because I believe they know that I am being honest to them. Nevertheless, I still need to give some explanation sometime and I am happy enough to do that if that can make them feel better.

I have s strong feeling that if we don't know to say no, we tend to make more promises and it will become more dfifficult to deal with when we fail to fulfill it. NO is not always linked to negativity anyway as we mus say NO to something that will hurt us or even damaging our life.

We need to say NO sometime especially to our children although in the same time we want them to get the best. Maybe something that we did not get when we were a child. I have the same feeling as well but in the same time I know that everything shoud have limit and as father, I need and can teach them about limits in life from now because I want to understand that, they will not get anything that they want easily or just like that. Saying NO to our children may be the hardest thing to do but I do believe, slowly they will get the feeling everything in life has its limit.

NO is the limit and Grateful is the feeling that I can feel why I need to stick to that limit. Accepting our own limitation or weaknesses would not make us less successful or bad. Nothing to be ashamed or to feel inferior than others just because we cannot reach certain things in life as long we don't do sinful things or doing bad things to ourselves and other people.


I remember at one time, years ago when few people in my hometown asking me why I was riding a bike although I am an engineer. Some did also ask why I was renting a house although I earn few thousands a month. Even at some points, my parent was asking the same questions until I explained to them openly and honestly about what I can afford that time and what I could not. The same thing I shared with my siblings and from that moment, they also started to feel nothing when others gave their comments or remarks about me.

When my kids asked me a few years ago on why I did not buy a more spacious house, I just told them that I could afford it yet but I promised them that I was working on it and one day we'll move to a better house. It means NO was my answer that time and they have to take that as it is. Few years later, we moved to our better house and more comfortable house and then I told my kids if we could not get something now, we will get later if we work hard enough to get it and I guess they understand what I meant that time now.

I learned a lot from personal observations and what happened to people that I know where they lost controls over their own blood (children, siblings and etc) just because they did not say NO. In other words, they been pampered with no limitations. To me, we should be very clear on limits that we personally can set as parent and limits which are already there for us to follow. For example, we can give some freedom to our children but it must not go beyond that is allowed in Islam. "Solat" is there for us to perform at least 5 times day and I am not the one who set that but I need to ensure everyone in my family doing it. If someone is doing something wrong based what our religion has defined as wrong, I need to say it although it may involve my own blood or friends.

I remember also at the time when I was learning on how to drive to get my driving license. The instructor told me that it is common to pay some extra money to get a license without a driving test by the RTD all many people did that. Even one of my friends told me that it would be alright if I make some "extra" money because that is the way many people do things now to be rich or having more comfortable life.

I have also heard that what we wear or how we wear our clothes is not that important because what matters is what is inside each of us. Other than that, I was told again and again that we must try all those "things" or I may regret for not trying it.

And the most interesting thing is...when I said NO or disagreed with each of that, all sort of accusations and labels were given to me but I just move on with my life since my belief is very simple. To me, although may be even the whole people in the country do it and I know it is not, I just hoping and will do whatever it takes for not to be one of them.


You cannot make something wrong to become right but you can only do the right thing to correct the wrong one. Our goals does not justify our bad or sinful means that will make it "halal" for us to achieve something right.

We may not do things in the right way all the same but at least our words, mind or heart must not agree with the wrong one because it would be the last layer of "Iman" that may left in us!

It is expected that people will feel disappointed when we say NO to them and friends are some of them. Sometime they may hate you although you just trying to be honest with them that you really cannot anything for them.

Another that I believe is when we say NO to something which wrong or sinful, we must say it to everyone and it must start with ourselves and then to the closest people to us. Wrong things must be based what have been defined by our religion rather than by human because human tend to be biased because that is the only way for us to keep ourselves on the right path.

To be truthful and doing the right by saying NO to something forbidden by Allah is always challenging and the resistance is there for us to deal with...but as always Allah is fair to each of us and we will not be tested with something we cannot deal with.