Friends....kengkawan lama

I met Hashim Othman just a week before Raya at the National Mosque. We bumped to each other just after the prayer and I was as told that he already left TNB and now with Petronas. Quite suprising to me when someone left TNB.
We had a short chat since he was rushing for a meeting. Quickly he asked my email add and promises me that he will invite me to join Facebook for me to keep in touch with others from the same batch Pusat Matrikulasi Kuala Pilah. I just gave him my email add and updated few hp nos of our old friends.

What a coincidence when last week I met Hashim again. This time I was visiting my wife's friend for Hari Raya open house just nearby to my house at Nilai. The host actually is a sister in law of Hashim...what a small world!

And this week suddenly I received an invitation to join facebook. Surely it was from Hashim and today..suddenly I can reach so many old friends from PMKP and Mara College Seremban...
Aaaaaahh....suddenly all those memories flashing back in my mind....of course it become sweeter when one of the best memories that I had during that time is when I started to know my wife now.

I am so excited and happy to get some recent update from my friends at Facebook now. each of them has opened back the old albums in my brain now and good to know that ecah of them also look enjoying their life so much as well..as I always do...
their photos explained it very clearly to me....

Diri aku yang aku lihat(3)

Aku degil?!!! Keras kepala?!!! Susah nak terima pendapat orang?
Perkara yang biasa aku dengar tentang diri aku....bukan daripada orang luar pada mulanya...from within my family...seingat aku yang tak pernah cakap macam tu dengan aku ialah mak dan ayah.
Yang aku ingat..mak cuma pernah cakap....aku ni keras hati dan aku juga yang paling lembuit hati. Ayah pulak tak pernah cakap apa-apa pun. Yang aku tahu..ayah selalu bangga dengan apa yang aku capai walaupun dia tak pernah cakap kat aku.

Pendapat aku sendiri???
Ada benarnya kata-kata mereka tu tapi rasanya tak adil untuk anggap aku macam tu untuk semua perkara atau semua keadaan. Tapi siapalah aku untuk tentukan adil ke tidak sebab itu hak mereka dengan pendapat masing-masing.
Sebenarnya...selepas lebih 34 tahun aku bernafas sebagai manusia...ada satu ketika(aku tak pasti bila sebenarnya) aku telah ada pegangan atau falsafah sendiri tentang hidup aku. In short, aku akan berpegang pada perkara itu melainkan ada sesiapa yang boleh yakinkan aku bahawa apa yang aku pegang itu salah dan hanya akan hancurkan hidup aku.

Pegangan aku mudah....
AKU AKAN BUAT APA YANG AKU SUKA SELAGI AKU TAK MENYUSAHKAN HIDUP ORANG LAIN DAN AGAMA TAK KATA SALAH. HORMATI HIDUP ORANG LAIN DAN JANGAN NILAI HIDUP ORANG DENGAN KAYU PENGUKUR KITA.

Aku tak suka melihat sesuatu yang susah atau negatif tentang sesuatu perkara dan apa yang berlaku dalam hidup aku mahu pun sekeliling aku. Aku takkan demand atau harap semua orang akan faham atau terus setuju dengan apa yang aku fikirkan...atau apa yang aku buat. Yang aku pasti, dalam kebanyakan situasi aku fikirkan sesuatu sedalam-dalamnya sebelum buat sesuatu perkara.

Aku tak suka meminta-minta sejak aku kecil. Mungkin masa aku kecil apa yang aku minta susah nak dapat disebabkan keadaan hidup ketika itu. Satu ketika sejak kecil jugalah aku tanamkan tekad dalam hati aku, aku akan dapatkan sendiri apa yang aku mahukan. Jika aku lihat semula ke belakang hingga sekarang, banyak perkara yang aku mahukan telah pun aku capai. Syukurlah, kehidupan aku rasanya lebih baik daripada apa yang aku impikan pada usia begini dan aku yakin...I can only make it better dengan izin Allah. Yang paling menggembirakan aku ialah...keselesaan hidup yang aku nikmati sekarang dapat kau kongsi dengan isteri, anak-anak, mak, ayah dan adik-adik aku.

So, kesimpulannya pada aku...apa salahnya kalau aku degil dan keras kepala jika inilah kehidupan yang aku nikmati sekarang? Bagi aku, persepsi atau anggapan sebegitu tetap juga aku lihat secara positif....satu peringatan agar aku tidak jadi bongkak sesama manusia dan takbur dengan rezeki yang Allah berikan setakat ini.

Banyak lagi impian-impian baru yang menjengah ketika kaki aku terus melangkah meneruskan hidup dan aku akan terus cuba menggapainya satu persatu...cuma aku perlukan ingatkan diri aku agar kekal dalam landasan yang betul, nikmati setiap apa yang aku telah capai dan terus bersyukur pada Allah dengan apa pun yang harus aku lalui...pasti ada hikmah untuk semua perkara yang Allah telah jadikan dalam laluan hidup hamba-Nya ini....

Diri aku yang aku lihat(2)

Banyak yang telah aku lihat dan rasai sejak zaman asrama aku di Kuala Pilah dulu.

Walaupun STJ langsung tak pernah aku dengar dan tahu sebelum itu, di situlah aku mulakan satu proses yang teramat baru dan tempat yang asing dalam pembentukan diri aku. Segala-galanya asing dan teramat sukar untuk manusia seperti aku ketika itu kerana kehidupan aku sebelum itu langsung tidak pernah keluar dari kampung dan keluarga langsung.

Aku hanya teringatkan pesan mak dan ayah ketika itu. Belajarlah rajin-rajin kalau aku hendak berjaya.

Bila aku tengok diri aku sekarang, betapa bersyukur rasanya aku kerana sempat berada selama 5 tahun di sana. Sukar untuk aku coretkan satu-persatu apa yang aku pelajari dan alami di sana. Cukuplah kalau aku katakan pada diri aku, kehidupan di sana banyak mempengaruhi pembentukan personaliti dan sikap aku sampai sekarang. Persepsi aku tentang hidup banyak berubah di sana dan perkara yang paling menggembirakan aku ialah aku berjaya akhiri hidup aku di STJ dengan kejayaan yang tidak pernah aku impikan di sebalik semua cabaran getir yang aku lalui saban hari di sana. Aku sendiri pun hampir tak percaya bila nama aku tersenarai sebagai best student untuk SPM dengan kawan baik aku.

Di STJ aku kenal makna kawan, makna pengorbanan mak dan ayah....maksud sebenar persaingan walaupun mungkin diri serba kekurangan dalam beberapa hal dan yang paling terkesan dalam hidup aku...makna self discipline untuk aku kekal berjalan di laluan yang betul.

Diri aku yang aku lihat

Seronok memikirkan yang indah-indah...yang seronok-seronok. Yang buatkan hati ini tersenyum dan ketawa hingga terbawa-bawa dalam mimpi.

Berderai airmata..sebak rasa dada dan begitu tertekan rasanya tatkala ada perkara yang menyedihkan, menyusahkan dan mencabar menjengah dalam hidup.

Kadang-kadang tersenyum sendirian melihatkan kawan-kawan...officemates dan ramai lagi orang-orang yang aku temu setiap masa. Macam-macam kerenah..banyak yang dah berubah..sama seperti hidup aku yang juga berubah sampai sekarang.

Pada umur 34 tahun sekarang ni...banyak yang telah aku lalui dalam hidup..sama seperti orang lain.

Kawan-kawan pun ramai yang dah berjaya dan ada juga still struggling dalam hidup masing-masing.Aku juga begitu..."struggling" dalam beberapa perkara dalam hidup yang ada kalanya bahagian yang langsung kita tidak pernah duga atau mahukan. Namun itulah kehidupan...ada rahmat dan something yang aku perlu nilai dalam aku meneruskan kehidupanku dari perspektif yang pelbagai...sebagai insan biasa, sebagai anak, suami, ayah dan sesiapa saja manusia yang ada kaitan dalam hidup aku dalam segala macam hal yang berlainan

Contohnya , hidup aku tersentak apabila emak aku tiba-tiba diserang stroke pada tahun 2000. Then followed by ayah pulak ..kena jugak stroke in 2005.

Mana tak patah semangat kalau tiba-tiba saja emak dan ayah aku yang selama ini sihat, terus jadi sakit yang serius macam tu.....both jadi half paralyze for few months sampai keadaan mereka stabil. Aku masih ingat lagi masa tu macam mana aku dan adik-adik aku hadapi situasi sebegitu.

At one time aku terpaksa looking for new jobs..hanya untuk ensure money can be sent back home for their on going treatment. Only a very close people to me knew that time yang aku terpaksa terima kerja yang kena transfer ke Penang hanya untuk dapatkan beberapa ratus ringgit extra for my mom's medication and treatment. Terpaksa tinggalkan anak dan isteri kat KL untuk sementara. At one stage, my wife pulak has to stop working due to some problem at her workplace dan terpaksa kerja sementara just for us to survive on daily basis.

Cukuplah untuk renungkan semula beberapa cabaran getir hidup yang pernah aku lalui. Terasa lebih menyenangkan apabila memikirkan kehidupan yang aku ada sekarang.

Mungkin keterlaluan for me to ask too much dengan apa yang telah aku nikmati sekarang.

Sekarang pun dah kerja yang ke-5. Rumah pun dah berpindah-randah sampai yang ke-7 yang akhirnya rumah yang aku sendiri selepas menyewa begitu lama.

Alhamdulillah..banyak yang berlaku dalam hidup aku telah membuatkan kehidupan aku menjadi lebih baik. Setiap tahun yang aku tinggalkan membawa aku ke tahap yang berbeza daripada semalam. Aku melihat diri aku sebagai seorang yang akan terus mencari keseimbangan dalama hidup dalam mengimpikan kesempurnaan yang akan terus jadi impian. Biarlah kesempurnaan itu terus menjadi impian meskipun mustahil untuk mencapainya. Paling kurang, penat lelah aku tetap menjadikan aku seorang yang lebih baik daripada semalam pada kaca mata mereka yang menyayangi diri aku.

Mak selalu kata aku degil, keras hati dan juga yang paling lembut hati. Mungkin tak hairan kenaapa aku selalu menangis kerana banyak perkara sejak kecil...sampai sekarang. Namun aku tahu, jauh dalam sudut hati aku, aku rasa cukup jelas dengan apa yang aku ingin capai dalam hidup sejak dulu...juga sejak aku kecil. Bila aku tengok ayah merokok, seingat aku, sejak itulah aku berjanji dalam hati aku yang aku takkan merokok. Juga bila melihat apa yang aku ada sejak kecil seperti rumah dan macam-macam lagi. Semuanya aku nak dapatkan yang lebih baik dan aku akan dapatkannya dengan usaha aku sendiri. Waktu itu aku tak tergamak untuk memikirkan tentang meminta apa-apa daripada mak dan ayah melihatkan kehidupan yang sedia ada.

Banyak impian aku yang aku tetapkan ketika aku kecil di kampung telah aku capai sekarang. Rasanya semua telah aku capai kerana semua itu aku miliki sekarang. Cuma sedikit ralat sebab mak dan ayah tak dapat untuk nikmati sepenuhnya semua itu sekarang.

Ada sesetengah perkara yang aku tidak jelas dan aku hanya menurut takdir yang telah ditetapkan untuk aku.

Ketika aku diberitahu tentang tawaran masuk ke sekolah berasrama penuh selepas darjah enam, aku langsung tidak tahu pun apa maksudnya kerana sehingga itu aku hanya terfikir akan bersekolah di kampung sampai habis. Asrama penuh atau universiti bukanlah perkataan yang ada dalam vocabulary aku ketika itu. Aku hanya ikut apa yang disuruh. Pergi ke asrama, duduk di sana dan belajar rajin-rajin. Tuhan saja yang tahu bagaimana perasaan takut dan gelabah aku ketika mahu masuk dan mula-mula sesuaikan diri di asrama ketika itu.

I've got it....!

Alhamdulillah....after a long wait...I received the letter of appointment yesterday...24 September 2008.
And now, I am the head of Demand Side Management Unit in Energy Commission effective from 1 October 2008. Deep in me, I have sensed it from the beginning that will be a huge challenge for me in this unit regardless of what position that I hold here.
Soon I'll get one new executive to be my subordinate and if everything happen to the news that I heard, I'll get a new superior very soon as well.

Engineering

There are few questions that have been in me since I decided to study engineering for my first degree...
Why engineering?
Do I really want to become an engineer?
Why engineering..not medical? ( to be a medical doctor was my promise to my father)
After all, I'm happy enough to be where I am now. Doing something that really make me almost satisfied with myself.
Learning and practicing engineering over the years has developed the true potentials that I have in me and still exploring it.
At this point I'm really keen on too much technical details in engineering as I want to move more on the management side of engineering. I don't mind for not being known as someone with engineering or technical background in certain situation because it enables to express my thoughts in more open and free ways.
May be that is one of the reasons why I did not wanna be a doctor because I believe I can't put aside that "doctor" in most situation of my life where people people will call doctors as a doctor although they never know each other.

So, I can say to myself that I really do what I think is the best that I can get out of me. I did not fulfill my father's dream but at this point, what matters in my own dream that I need to pursue because I'm the one who wants to live with it.
May be I failed to keep my promise to my father now but I'll make sure I won't fail to take care of him the best way I can until his last breath.

Knowledge sharing

It has been sometime since I involved in knowledge sharing sessions...
It was something that I so familiar with when I was at UKM as a student...then when I started my career at ECO Energy Sdn Bhd.
Since I moved to this new department...the door for all that has been opened again where I've been invited to give talks by many...to talk on things related to energy efficiency. Surely due to my works now mainly to promote more efficient energy usage in this country as a regulator.
I've been an acting Head of this unit since February although there is no certainty yet on how long I would be assigned for this additional responsibility....I'm just happy enough to carry out as long as I'm entrusted to do it.

My first task to present as a representative from the Energy Commission was a talk on how to use energy efficiently for secondary school students at Slim River. Then followed by a presentation on the technical evaluation for fiscal incentives with regard to energy efficiency and renewable energy projects to an audience from related government agencies. Not long after that, again I was asked to address a small group of representatives from an industry in a workshop.

Last week I was quite busy with two talks that I delivered. On 26 August , I gave talks again in two sessions in a training program at a competency centre for a government agency located at Ipoh. Immediately after that I drove to Kuantan to give another talk for a group of industry people in an event organized by the TNB on 27 August.

Tired?..yes I'm because so much efforts required by me mentally prior to those talks from preparing the presentation materials and to think on how would be the best way I deliver each of it. On the other hand, I'm also excited in doing it. Hard to explain how does it feel when I stand in front of the audience and slowly releasing my voice to grab their attention. I was not easy but by collaborating with years of experiences professionally and personally on each topic, it definitely helped me a lot.

I know that there will be plenty more talks that I would have to deliver due to the nature of my works now. Sometime I do asked questions to myself whether I am a good presenter or otherwise because naturally I was not this "type" of person during t my school time until I reached the university. Then slowly I started to speak up my thoughts and what I feel about something.

After sometime, I started to feel the excitement of sharing my thoughts with others especially when in the end it ended with unexpected conclusions where most people around me feel good about it.
The beauty part of knowledge that I have seen in me is when I share it with others, I would only get more knowledge in return which may come in many ways. This kind of excitement has encouraged me to read more, know more people and sometime allowing me to stand up to prove my points in certain situations.

Initially there were situations where my judgment clouded by my excitement where I can become very defensive when I came into arguments on certain issues. Over the years, I have also learned on how to appreciate what others might think as well and there could be time I might not be so right or totally wrong.

Since then, from a fairly quiet person, people started to know me as talkative one and sometime they do said that I am very talkative or talk to much sometime.
From this new part within me that I have discovered, it really changed my personality as a whole. From there I dare to ask questions to anyone that I think would be able to answer me and later giving me own thoughts on those answers.

That has been the way how I learn about many things in my life...share what I have in mind no matter it is purely thought of knowledge that I gained from everywhere and getting other to share theirs with the way they would like to express their own thoughts.
In that process I also learn how to be a listener and quickly to analyze the meaning behind all those conversations. There are situations I knew and learned about something in quicker ways because it came from the person who really did it or truly experienced it.

When I was at the campus, I used to organize many events such as workshops for university and school students, career planning talks and forums s for undergraduates and many more. I watched all speakers that we invited in those events with full of interest and admiration. I was so excited seeing their delivery of knowledge in many ways and methods. That really triggered my interest in the way knowledge can be shared with others. I have been always keen and excited to see how and what are the responses from the audience on each topics presented. The most interesting part for me is how those speakers handled those responses and then keep the session lively with all eyes keep focusing on them.

This is the kind of way that I wanted to learn about many things and then share with others. I know that time, being in an engineering background would make it easy for me to be out the "norms" as an engineer because engineers normally do not talk that much. On top of that, the normal perception is, engineers can only talk on technical matters and technical sessions normally will not be lively.

Over the years, I guess I have polished my knowledge sharing skills in many ways. Naturally I was not born as a talented public speakers but at certain degree, I am quite comfortable with the way I get my points heard now. I am quite free to share anything about what I have in mind depending on the people who are around.

That is one of the main criteria that I always looking at when want to develop my career. I want the type of works that would offer me that opportunities. A career that will enable me to share my professional thoughts about my works and how I see things from my perspective. Being in this energy efficiency field really has given me so much satisfaction to fulfill my wishes with regard to knowledge sharing and I can't be in a better position than this elsewhere.

I have the confidence now and I know learning will be always a major part for me in years to come for me to improve myself. It has been my dream when I leave this world, people will remember me for the knowledge that I shared with them and I have ever wanted to be known in my career now, purely due to the knowledge that I have in me.
I'm just so grateful to Allah for giving me with this kind of feeling for me to really enjoy and appreciate a career that I am in now. It is totally as blessing for HIM and now is up to me to take this opportunity to push myself to a greater in my career and pursuing what I would love to do in sharing the knowledge that I have. May be my knowledge would not be that much but I know, I'll continue to get more and share it more.

A WIFE

Wife...

It was a long journey before I reach here today..together with my wife..dealing with everything that come to us..sometime unpleasant things happen and there were many great moments that we have enjoyed and shared as well.
Happiness is not a destination for us...it has been a long journey to understand new definitions at each stage. We grow and mature together..getting deeper into the meaning of love that has kept us together all the time...
at some points..love is just not enough to comfort us...and then I realized... there is more than love that matters in a marriage...
My wife is so special to me...
my wife means everything to me...
My marriage is my life and my wife keep me breathing in my marriage...
I'm so grateful having a great wife in my life...

My dear wife,

when I met you ... sensed love in you
When I knew you...I saw love for me
When I heard you voice...I was touched by your love
When I love you...I feel love in you
When you love me...my life is all for you...

Another career move....?

On 15 January 2008, I left the enforcement unit, Legal Department of Energy Commission and moved to the Demand Side Management Unit under the Economic and Industry Development Department. This is the place that I've been wanting to join since I worked with EC and after about three years of waiting and finding ways to be here, at last here I am now.
Just a lateral transfer but I am so excited about it because the field of energy efficiency and energy management have been my interest since I started my career about 10 years ago.