IKHLAS...

Sempat tengok MHI kejap pagi tadi sebelum pergi meeting kat Putrajaya.
Ada seorang penulis daripada UiTM, En. Zahir Ismail yang menulis buku tentang kejayaaan dan kebahagiaan yang semuanya dalam kawalan kita.
Tertarik dengan definisi beliau tentang ikhlas iaitu lebih kurang begini..ikhlas ialah
KITA MENUNAIKAN HAK UNTUK ORANG LAIN TANPA KITA MEMINTA ATAU MENUNTUT(DEMAND) HAK KITA DITUNAIKAN.

Entah kenapa lama jugak aku fikirkan tentang perkara-perkara berkaitan tentang keihklasan ni. Ikhlaskan aku tentang apa yang aku lakukan selama ini? dan macam-macam lagi yang tak semena-mena aku mula fikirkan.

Mungkin dalam kehidupan...apa yang dilakukan tanpa sebarang syarat atau unconditional itu jugak aku boleh tafsirkan sebagai ikhlas dalam perbuatan kita. Bagaimana ayah dan mak aku yang tak pernah tetapkan apa-apa syarat ketika aku mereka besarkan sampai sekarang. Macam mana pun kekurangan yang perlu aku lalui dulu, aku tetap yakin itulah yang terbaik yang mampu mereka lakukan untuk aku.
Begitu jugalah sampai sekarang...memang sudah sampai masanya aku tunaikan pula tanggungjawab aku pada mereka walalupun mereka tak pernah meminta.

Pernah aku nyatakan kepada hampir semua insan yang aku sayangi dan amat penting dalam hidup aku...
Aku akan lakukan semampu kudrat aku untuk mereka dan mereka punya hak untuk tidak atau tidak melakukan perkara yang sama pada aku. Itu pilihan mereka dan aku tak akan tetapkan apa jua syarat atas apa yang aku lakukan...
Apa yang boleh aku fikirkan cuma mengharap tetapi lumrah kehidupan kita...harapan mungkin akan cuma tinggal harapan terutamanya jika tiada apa yang kita lakukan agar ianya jadi kenyataan.

Ikhlaskah aku....
mungkin aku tak mampu menjawabnya dengan jawapan tidak akan dipertikaikan langsung...
yang penting bagi aku...

aku bahagia dan gembira dengan setiap apa yang aku lakukan untuk sesiapa pun. Aku bahagia bila aku dapat lihat dan rasakan yang keluarga aku bahagia. Aku bertambah bahagia bila insan-insan yang aku sayangi menghargainya aku selama ini. Ada masanya aku rasa tak dihargai tapi kesedihan disebabkan perkara-perkara seperti itu tak pernah melemahkan aku untuk terus tunaikan tanggungjawab aku.
Dipenghujungnya, apa yang kita lakukan akan beri perbezaan ke arah kebaikan atau keburukan...kata-kata mungkin hanya sedap atau benci untuk didengar tentang kebaikan mahupun keburukan yang kita nyatakan tetapi yang memberikan perbezaan sebenar ialah apa yang sebenarnya kita lakukan.

Kita mungkin boleh mempertikaikan tentang keihklasan selamanya tetapi bagi aku cukuplah sekadar hanya aku yang tahu niat dan apa yang sebenarnya aku lakukan.

Kita boleh menyayangi atau menyintai seseorang begitu hebat atau dalam tetapi hakikatnya adakah kita dapat kawal tahap cinta dan sayangnya pada kita. Itu adalah hak mutlak hati dan perasaannya. Kita boleh lakukan yang tebaik atau sediakan yang paling sempurna untuk anak-anak kita tetapi pada akhirnya...adakah kita akan ada kawalan mutlak tentang apa yang akan mereka pilih untuk hidup mereka dan bagaimana mereka akan layan kita pula suatu hari nanti?

Jika kita ikhlas dan selalu mengharap pada manusia untuk menghargai keikhlasan kita , selalunya akan mengecewakan...malah kadang-kadang menyiksakan.

Pernah aku dengar seorang ustaz berceramah.....andai kita ikhlas lakukan sesuatu perkara..ikhlaslah kerana Allah kerana itulah tanggungjawab yang Allah telah amanahkan untuk kita kerana Allah takkan mengecewakan. Andai kita rasakan kita tidak dihargai secara yang kita nampak...pastinya Allah menghargainya kita dalam banyak cara lain di dunia mahu pun diakhirat nanti.
Pastinya kita selalu rasa kecewa bila apa yang kita lakukan tak dihargai atau seolah-olah tidak dipedulikan ...malahan dipertikaikan pula kadang-kadang...
lapangkan hati...redha dengan balasan yang kita dapat sesama manusia...

Kesimpulan aku sendiri tentang apa yang aku fikirkan tentang keikhlasan hari ni ialah....
1.Jangan ragu keihklasan diri kita sendiri
2. Ikhlas dalam hidiup ialah kita menunaikan setiap tanggungjawab yang ada untuk kita tanpa terlalu mengharapkan balasan baik kerana ia mungkin mengecewakan....
3. Jadikan kekecewaan atau balasan tak baik yang kita dapat untuk buat lebih banyak kebaikan seikhlas yang mungkin...

Taipei : Day 3 (6 Oct 2009)

Had a good sleep last night and woke up early this morning. The weather look better so far and I booked tour packages for Taipei City Tour and Taipei Night tour through the hotel. There are many interesting places that I can see from the brochure and from my search in websites last night. Friends from Facebook also suggested few places and some of them are in my list for today's tour. Thank you guys!
It would cost me NT$2200 for the tours and I am anticpating a great outing. Pick up time at the hotel at 1.15 p.m and expected to return by 10-11 p.m.

Places to be visited in my tours today will be:
1. City Tour

• Presidential Office Building
• Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Hall
• Martyr's Shrine
• National Palace Museum
• Chinese Temple
• Handicraft Centre

2. Night Tour

• Lungshan Temple
• Hwahsi Street Night Market
• Taipei 101

The workshop ended about 11.50 p.m and ended well. Exchanged more cards with other since we'll be in touch again due to the similarity roles being played in our own countries. Definitely I need to contact them should my program to get a green light from the management. Took some photos and saying good bye since some of us will leave earlier like me and the rest will continue with other meetings.

Suprisingly met with one officer from The Ministry Of Energy, Green Technology and Water from Malaysia here. Actually she arrived on Sunday and staying in the same floor and she is acciompanying her boss for another meetings in this APEC Week in Taipei.

Taipei : Day 2 (5 Oct 2009)

Wake up a little bit late today after the Subuh Prayer at about 4.45 a.m. I switched off the air cond the whole night since it was too cold.
It has been raining since last night and still continuing and so far no bad news on the typhoon yet.
The weather does not look so good for me to take a nice walk today but still hoping it would be better by the end of the day.
Prepared my breakfast with some bread and chicken curry that I brought here from home. What a nice meal from home! he he he...!



Called housekeeping to get an iron and I am impressed when the sent it in less than 5 minutes.

Now I am about to go for the workshop with some materials that I prepared from office. I really look forward for the discussion part of it since there are a lot I need to learn from other experts that can be used in the same program in Malaysia.
At present energy efficiency labeling and rating still a voluntary program in Malaysia and the proposal to make it as mandatory by using laws and regulations is still being considered.

Honestly , Malaysia is still lagging behind those countries attended this workshop but I need to gain as much information and input as possible for me to keep pushing this matter to the government. Hope to share more experiences and approaches that have been proven effective in other countries which may be suitable to be considered to be introduced to Malaysia with some improvements to meet Malaysian environment.

The sessions ended a little bit late since there were so many questions to speakers. Just as I expected, there were so much for me to learn from all the presentations. Basically on how other countries have successfully implemented their programs and later improve it.

Managed to chat and exchange information with quite a number of key people in MEPS and Energy Efficiency Labeling from various countries such as Chinese Taipei, China, Australia, USA, Japan, Korea, Russia, New Zealand and Indonesia. All of them are keen to assist should I need their input in the future on the same subject.

Joined the welcoming dinner with everyone in a nice restaurant nearby the hotel. It was suppose to be just a walking distance but the rain did not allow us. A shuttle van was arranged for us. Tonight I become a vegetarian since there are many foods that I was very doubtful to try. I think everyone had a nice dinner and the best of it we were getting to know more about each other in more informal ways. Some of them just did not understand why I did not eat chicken and drink red wine which is nothing to do with pork. Together with my new Indonesian friend, we explain to them the meaning of halal and non-halal meals for Muslim.







Reached the hotel room at about 8.45 p.m and I just need to clean myself and later to send some news to my family at home. Missing them so much as always. Hoping my wife will open the Facebook tonite and to see some photos that I took here.

Tomorrow will be just another half day session and I planned to go for a walk until night. There are few places suggested by some of new Taiwanese friends here and I just hoping there will be no or not so heavy rain tomorrow. One of the must go place as they said is Taipei 101 tower which is a main land mark here. Many ideas and suggestions on how can I spend my time tomorrow but I just hope the weather will be better at least. So far, I have heard any bad news about the expected typhoon Parma...let it be that way until I leave this place.

Taipei : Day 1

4 Oct 2009

Checked in at KLIA but I was suprised to be told at the counter that my flight was not direct from KLIA to Taipei. Need to go through Kota Kinabalu and take another flight to Taipei.

Finally, landed at Taipei Airport close to midnight. Took a limousine to the hotel again I was suprised that I was given a premium limo although paid for budget one. What a nice ride with S Class Merc to the hotel. It was a smooth traffic as well but I was temporarily scared just now when the driver suddenly turned into some kind of junk yard area and but actually to fill up the fuel. The driver did not reply when I asked why he did not fill up the fuel at normal fuel station.

This is my first ever trip to Taiwan and I am looking forward for the event and short sight seeing
around this area.

My task here is as one of the participants for the Meeting and Workshop on Reducing Barriers to Trade Through Development of A common Protocol for measuring the Seasonal Energy Efficiency of Air Conditioners. I'm representing Malaysia in the APEC of group experts to share Malaysian experiences in the workshop with my involvement in the recent establishment of energy efficiency performance criteria and rating system for Malaysian manufacturers and importers.

The venue is at The Howard Plaza Hotel at Jen-Ai Road, Taipei. Not sure where is this place exactly in the city but will find out later.

The workshop will start tomorrow (5 Oct) and will end a day later (6 Oct). I will leave on 7 Oct and hoping to spend some time to look around in the city after the end of the workshop by 12.00 p.m on 6 Oct.

Heard about the news this morning that Taiwan is preparing for typhoon Parma but there wasn't any warning issued by any government for travelers. The limo driver told me that they are expecting the typhoon around 8.00 tomorrow and I am just praying that the situation here will be under control.

Sent an e-mail to my family at home and hoping they will be happy to know that I am safe and alright over here.


The service and the rooms at this hotel has been great so far.













Materials for tomorrow's event has been prepared on the table in the room. Just need to browse through after this.







Now I just need a good rest and sleep in this nice room....good nite!

Peringatan untuk diri sendiri...

Banyak perkara yang selalu menimbulkan persoalan bila aku memerhati dan mendengar apa yang berlaku seharian di sekeliling...dari pembacaan, apa yang aku tonton dan apa yang aku lihat dengan mata kepala sendiri

Kita kata kita takutkan Allah...takut tuhan
tapi berapa banyak perkara mungkar yang kita sengaja buat setiap hari
Bila dah buat, yang akan didengar ialah alasan-alasan untuk mengiyakan perbuatan itu...
Di mananakah kita tergolong?
Mungkin terlalu banyak perkara-perkara kecil yang diambil mudah hanya kerana tidak sesiapa pun kisah meskipun ia terang-terangan berdosa. Akhirnya langsung tak terasa apa-apa dan lagi tak kisah apabila melakukan kemungkaran yang makin besar.
Atas nama sayang...cinta dan kasihan...dosa pun dianggap ringan.
Berapa ramai yang akan menegur dan lakukan sesuatu jika melibatkan orang-orang yang kita sayang...yang paling rapat dengan kita?
Anak-anak mungkin kena marah kalau result exam tak bagus...malahan ada yang kena denda atau pukul tapi bila anak-anak yang dah lebih 10 tahun tak solat. Nothing will happen to them.
Isteri mungkin kena marah kalau masak tak sedap atau lambat masak tapi tak pernah pula kena marah kalau tak solat atau dedahkan aurat.
Suami mungkin kena leter kalau lambat balik selalu atau lambat beri duit belanja tapi berapa ramai isteri yang sanggup marahkan suami atau "mogok"kalau dia merokok dan tak solat pulak tu.
Akhirnya akan lahirlah satu generasi yang tak pernah ditegur...kalau ditegur pun, cuma teguran tanpa sebarang usaha untuk mempastikan ianya akan dilakukan...
So in the end...makin banyak yang tak diamalkan dan semua orang makin "jauh" daripada agama.Akhirnya amalan dalam hidup seharian kita tak nampak beza dengan yang tak bertuhankan Allah.

Memang kita akan tetap Allah berikan rezeki dan kehidupan yang boleh kita nikmati kerana rezeki Allah terbuka untuk semua manusia.
Yang berbeza ialah sama ada kita beriman kepada Allah dengan yakin kerana itu yang akan membezakan cara hidup kita dengan manusia sesama agama yang kufur dan manusia yang kafir.
Mungkin kita rasa kita tak layak kerana ilmu agama kita dirasakan tak cukup tetapi selagi kita menyuruh yang lain yang dibawah tanggungjawab kita mengikut apa yang jelas dituntut dan yang dilarang Allah...pasti kita takkan terpesong dari landasan-Nya.

Learning to say NO in life

We don't like to say NO in our life most of the time...

NO sometime can be perceived or assumed to be something negative about us especially when it involved something that we cannot do.

At home, hard for us to say NO to our wife, kids, parent and siblings especially when we become the centre of hopes on many things.

At work...much more difficult to say NO to our superiors although there are things that we are not able to do or beyond our scope of works.

With close friends...also hard to say NO when our help is needed.

In most situations, saying NO can turn us to become unpopular and all sort of negative talks and perception will continue to be showered to us.

To me...saying NO if we really need to is all about us being honest to ourselves. It is about we are going against our own ego and admit our limitation or weaknesses. We always think about how people might say or think about us and at the certain extent...we let that feeling dictate our responses. Later we tend to create the justifications on why we should do that although we are also pretty sure from within us that we cannot do that. Why? Because on we know our own strengths and limits.

I was caught in that kind of moments many times in my life and as I move on...experiences telling me that we just need to say NO when we need to say it eventhough it may involve closest people in our life. First, if we can't be honest to ourselves, we won't be honest to them as well I believe if they really someone who care and really appreciate us, they also need to accept things about us that is not in their favour including our weaknesses and limitations.

It is hard and it will never be easy but if we believe in the right thing to do..we just need to do it because if we don't know what kind of troubles that we are inviting by doing something we are not sure or we can't afford to do.
We like to please everyone and we love to be adored by people with all the positive impressions about us. Most of the time, we just like want to be like the way think how we should be and in the end, we let them to dictate what we we should be.

The society itself has its own set of package of characteristics about people although it has never been written or formalized anywhere. It is just there and either we like it or not we have to deal with it. Saying NO to that will make us against everyone although they are totally wrong about certain things. It is also happen in our own house sometime. For example, have we ever asked ourselves how open are we with our own wife and children? How many things that we are actually have doubt or scare to tell them because if we do, we may not look that good anymore or they may be less impressed with us. To justify that, we may agree that everyone has their own secrets and we just leave it like that and hoping it will continue that way.

As a normal human, we tend to hide or weaknesses and mistakes. Other than that we prefer to look good rather than as losers. We want to be seen more successfull and happier than others and along the way, we tend to be dishonest to ourselves as well.

Was it easy?Based on personal experience...it may be the hardest thing to do in my life but I cannot explain the the great feeling that I can feel after that although I have to deal with all the setbacks.
One good example in my life was when I have to say NO to my father's dream for me to be a doctor.
Another one was when I have to say NO to my wedding to be arranged soon after I engaged because I just could not afford to pay all the expenses yet although my fiance's parent really pushed me for it that time.

On the smaller thing...I said NO to smoking although almost 100% of my friends in school and campus were smoking. After all, they are still my friends now...of course those who are in touch with me...

All that were among the toughest time in my life but I am grateful enough now that I did that.
Now, I believe that everyone who close to me knows that, whenever I say NO, they tend to be more receptive rather than questioning my words or abilties because I believe they know that I am being honest to them. Nevertheless, I still need to give some explanation sometime and I am happy enough to do that if that can make them feel better.

I have s strong feeling that if we don't know to say no, we tend to make more promises and it will become more dfifficult to deal with when we fail to fulfill it. NO is not always linked to negativity anyway as we mus say NO to something that will hurt us or even damaging our life.

We need to say NO sometime especially to our children although in the same time we want them to get the best. Maybe something that we did not get when we were a child. I have the same feeling as well but in the same time I know that everything shoud have limit and as father, I need and can teach them about limits in life from now because I want to understand that, they will not get anything that they want easily or just like that. Saying NO to our children may be the hardest thing to do but I do believe, slowly they will get the feeling everything in life has its limit.

NO is the limit and Grateful is the feeling that I can feel why I need to stick to that limit. Accepting our own limitation or weaknesses would not make us less successful or bad. Nothing to be ashamed or to feel inferior than others just because we cannot reach certain things in life as long we don't do sinful things or doing bad things to ourselves and other people.


I remember at one time, years ago when few people in my hometown asking me why I was riding a bike although I am an engineer. Some did also ask why I was renting a house although I earn few thousands a month. Even at some points, my parent was asking the same questions until I explained to them openly and honestly about what I can afford that time and what I could not. The same thing I shared with my siblings and from that moment, they also started to feel nothing when others gave their comments or remarks about me.

When my kids asked me a few years ago on why I did not buy a more spacious house, I just told them that I could afford it yet but I promised them that I was working on it and one day we'll move to a better house. It means NO was my answer that time and they have to take that as it is. Few years later, we moved to our better house and more comfortable house and then I told my kids if we could not get something now, we will get later if we work hard enough to get it and I guess they understand what I meant that time now.

I learned a lot from personal observations and what happened to people that I know where they lost controls over their own blood (children, siblings and etc) just because they did not say NO. In other words, they been pampered with no limitations. To me, we should be very clear on limits that we personally can set as parent and limits which are already there for us to follow. For example, we can give some freedom to our children but it must not go beyond that is allowed in Islam. "Solat" is there for us to perform at least 5 times day and I am not the one who set that but I need to ensure everyone in my family doing it. If someone is doing something wrong based what our religion has defined as wrong, I need to say it although it may involve my own blood or friends.

I remember also at the time when I was learning on how to drive to get my driving license. The instructor told me that it is common to pay some extra money to get a license without a driving test by the RTD all many people did that. Even one of my friends told me that it would be alright if I make some "extra" money because that is the way many people do things now to be rich or having more comfortable life.

I have also heard that what we wear or how we wear our clothes is not that important because what matters is what is inside each of us. Other than that, I was told again and again that we must try all those "things" or I may regret for not trying it.

And the most interesting thing is...when I said NO or disagreed with each of that, all sort of accusations and labels were given to me but I just move on with my life since my belief is very simple. To me, although may be even the whole people in the country do it and I know it is not, I just hoping and will do whatever it takes for not to be one of them.


You cannot make something wrong to become right but you can only do the right thing to correct the wrong one. Our goals does not justify our bad or sinful means that will make it "halal" for us to achieve something right.

We may not do things in the right way all the same but at least our words, mind or heart must not agree with the wrong one because it would be the last layer of "Iman" that may left in us!

It is expected that people will feel disappointed when we say NO to them and friends are some of them. Sometime they may hate you although you just trying to be honest with them that you really cannot anything for them.

Another that I believe is when we say NO to something which wrong or sinful, we must say it to everyone and it must start with ourselves and then to the closest people to us. Wrong things must be based what have been defined by our religion rather than by human because human tend to be biased because that is the only way for us to keep ourselves on the right path.

To be truthful and doing the right by saying NO to something forbidden by Allah is always challenging and the resistance is there for us to deal with...but as always Allah is fair to each of us and we will not be tested with something we cannot deal with.

Life has been a long journey...

1974-1979.
Born on 10 February 1974 at a very small village named Kg. Agam, Kota, Negeri Sembilan
Brought up in a typical traditional country life or "kampung" life where paddy fields, rivers and jungle used to be my playgrounds.
The village was so small and the total occupied houses was only 11.We knew each other very well in the village and that made me had little friends a well.


School years ..1980-1991
Sent to a kindergarten at another village named Kg. Legong Ulu at the age of 6 because it was none at my own village. Stayed at my grandmother's house at the same village which is closer to the kindergarten to enable me to walk to the kindergarten every day.

Started my formal education at the school at the age of 7 years old at Sekolah Kebangsaan Astana Raja, 71350 Kota, Negeri Sembilan. There were two classes in each grade in the school namely Blue and Red. I performed pretty good during my primary school days where I was on the top three of the final exam in each year in the Blue class. I never felt that I was smarter than others but I do admit it now that I worked very hard to get those results since that was the best way that I can make my parent happy at that time.



The only thing that I was different from my elder brother and my friends was I gave more serious attention to homeworks given by my teachers.
I took a lot of time by myself to understand what have been taught at school and that kept me stay awake until late night under the light of the kerosene-fueled lamp or known as "pelita minyak tanah". My parent has never pushed me to study that hard but I have been advised by many people that time if I can excel my study, I would have a brighter future and that was my only motivation. I guess studied under the kerosene lamp has affected my eyesight and I was advised to wear a glass by the age of 8.
I had dreams that time that I wanted to have a better and more comfortable life in the future where my parent can enjoy it with me. Whenever my parent came to my school to receive rewards directly from the headmaster due to the good results that I obtained in every year end examination, I felt very excited.

Other than that my life was just like any typical "kampung" boys. After the daily school hours I played in the muddy water in the paddy field and cleaned ourself in the river with my friends. Sometime I brought some fishes that I caught from the river and fruits for friends and teachers at school.

I was offered a place at a boarding school after just after I completed my standard six. This is due to my 5A result in my Penilaian Darjah 5 exam and excellent performance throughout my standard six. I was shocked that I have never felt those results were excellent anyway and I did not even know that what is boarding school all about. Suddenly my parent agreed to accept the offer and from that moment I started my life separately from my family.

I was fairly unknown during my secondary school days at Sekolah Tuanku Jaafar, Gentam, Kuala Pilah throughout my 5-year stay there. I was rarely spoken to others other than my classmates. I guess no one will remember me there other than students from the same batch of mine.

Other than my normal life there, I hadtwo most important moments that will never vanish in my mind.
The first one was my frustration when I scored 5 Aggregate in my Sijil Rendah Pelajaran exam but did not received any prize from the school. The only reason was because I obtained 7A (6 A1, 1 A2) for others subjects and a C3 for my English paper. Others who obtained less A1 than me but with no C3 received the prizes. Only Allah knew how sad I was and I was not in the list to receive awards for the excellent performance in SRP from the school. I was so disappointed that I could not invite my parent to come to my school to witness that since it has been my dream since I stepped my foot in the school.

The second moment was a happier one and that was very motivated by the earlier frustration. I managed to get the award at last. I was a joint top scorer with another student who was also my good friend. We obtained the same aggregate but he was ahead of me in As for few other subjects. However, it was great enough for me because finally my dream has come true and I was in the school to receive the award! Although my parent was not able to witness that day personally but I was happy enough to show to them the book from the ceremony where my name was listed as one of the award recipients for excellent performance in Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia 1991.

What made it more special that time was, it was unknown to many of my friends in that batch since I was never expected by anyone to "get that" and until now, I am remain unknown for that achievement to those who were in STJ in the same time I was there.

In the end I can say it to myself at least that I have achieved my dream there although it came at the very last moment. One day, hopefully I can inspire my children by saying to them that "your father was one of the top scorers in a boarding school and he came from a small village with only 11 houses".


Pre university (1992-1994)
Received an offer for a science matriculation course at University Kebangsaan Malaysia. Based at Junior Mara College at Seremban, Negeri Sembilan in the first year and later moved to Kuala Pilah Matriculation Centre (PMKP) to finish the second year. Academically, I performed at an average level thoughout my matriculation years. I suffered a culture shock in the first year with the CGPA system and performed quite bad in the first semester in Seremban. Managed to get better result towards the end that enabled to be accepted in the Engineering Faculty of UKM.

Personally, the highlights of my pre-university days was not so much in my academic performance. I discovered something new in me when I started to involve with some activities with other students. In Seremban , I involved in organizing activities for students with one of the student council members. We involved in students election campaign and many more. Other than that, I was voted by my classmates in my class and also in my mentor-mentee group to be their chief.

These kind of exposure were an alien and totally new to me but slowly I found it very enjoyable. This was due to my quiet character since I was at school and the inferiority feeling that I have in me due to the origin where I came from. I started to feel more open and speak up more of my mind when I deal and talk to more people. All that gave me more confidence and the alien-like feeling started to go off my back.

On top of that, being a chief in a small group within my friends in has developed some new skills in me especially in leadership. I learned how to manage my own friends and in the same time they were expecting me to perform my duties as their leader directly or indirectly. I feel so awkward when I heard people started to comment and criticize what I did although we were friends.

My leadership and human management learning processes continued when I moved to PMKP where I was voted to lead another group of students. First as a class monitor and secondly as as the president of the Creative Club. On top of that, the monitor of the class was appointed as a student council member automatically. Roles and responsibilities that I need to play was even more challenging and there were moments that I thought all that were too much from me.


In PMKP I really felt that I really transformed myself to someone new. I did many things that I never thought that I will such as giving regular speeches to my classmates, public speaking during the weekly assembly and etc. In the same time all that really developed my personal characters to be more confident of myself and show off my expressions whenever necessary in order to get things done.

By the time I had to decide on what course to choose for my degree in UKM, without any doubt I changed from medical to engineering. It was my father's dream for me to be a doctor but knowing about myself more at that time, I knew that career would be suitable for my future although it was another tough call to make.

I left my matriculation years with another personal missions accomplished (although the personal development part was far more beyond my own expectations). I was more confident to step into another stage of my life in the campus and I was very clear on what I wanted to achieve further in UKM later. I knew that I just need to keep develop and polish skills that I gained the the two-year spell in the matriculation while pursuing my first bachelor degree in the engineering faculty.


Undergraduate at UKM Bangi(1994-1997)
Accepted in the Mechanical and Materials Engineering Department at the Engineering Faculty of UKM. Engineering course has been known for its tough time to be dealt with and I would not deny that. Knowing that in the first place, I knew that I could not afford to take my study lightly at all although in the same time, I had a greater desire to explore the most of potentials that I have in me other than the academic side.
The goals for me was very clear...I need to get my degree in the specified period and I want to development myself to be prepared enough to start my career the moment I step out from the campus later.


To make make it short, I obtained my degree at last in 1997. Second class honour with my name listed a recipient of the Dean's Award for one semester. I have never failed or need to resit for papers in any subject throughout my 3 1/2 -year period in the campus. Surely I was not listed among the best in the academic achievement but I was the earliest one ( to my knowledge) who was offered a place for an industrial training and later to secure a job to start my career while my friends were having tough time to land any job during the currency crisis in 1997.


In UKM I was considered by most of my friend as a different type from other typical engineering students due to my active involvement in non academic activities. I spent my time with other engineering students only at lecture halls, tutorial classes and labs. Other than that I was pretty occupied with works for numbers of projects and events.

There were many of people surrounding me who were not supportive on how I lead my life in the campus. Except for a very few close friends, most of them gave me very little words of encouragement or to agree with what I was trying to achieve. There were moments I felt being isolated by my own friends by the way they talked and looked at me just because I was not like any of them. I ended up being more close to those shared the same thoughts with me by doing all those activities.



Here I would like to share some of the moments that I strongly believe as major milestones and accomplishments for me as person in my years at UKM.

1994-1995
Accepted to pursue my study in Mechanical Engineering
Accepted to be a member of Urusetia Kerjaya under the Students Affair Department, UKM.
An active member of the organizing secretariat in Urusetia Kerjaya (UK)for the UKM's 13th Career Day and Career Forum for final years students.

Both projects were initiated and implemented by UK with funding came from sponsorships by the the private individuals and organizations.
I was in-charge on the forum and apart of the marketing team to source for sponsorships deals. We managed to fill the main hall at Dewan Canselor Tun Abdul Razak (DECTAR) UKM with exhibition booths and a main sponsor from Maybank and Co-Sponsor by Samsung. The estimated total costs for the project was about RM60k and we manage to secure beyond that figure in less than 4 months of efforts.

As a person, I was chosen to be the MC for the opening ceremony of the Career Day and that was the real breakthrough for me in public speaking. The event was a very formal where the audience were the high officials of UKM, representatives from private companies and etc. On top of that, the guest of honour was a minister.

Played a key roles with other members in UK in a National Educational Workshop For Secondary Schools. Again, I was apart of the team looking for sponsorships and later became one of the facilitators for the students during the workshop itself.


Prior to the both events, we had to underwent a very vigorous training programs in project marketing, business and dress codes protocols, skills in facilitating and etc outlined by UK.
All that I learned were new skills and knowledge which have been very interesting to me and very useful until today.





Among the best thing that I managed to acquire in my early days in UK was the methods to understand the emotion of others people and later to motivate them to pursue their goals and dreams. We were taught very extensively on that matters when we were prepared to be facilitators for the school students in a week-long workshops and activities.



What I concluded from all that was, there were so much to learn at the campus other than the academic qualifications. We must excel in academics but we should not ignore the importance of getting ourselves ready for the real world with all the soft skills required as a person. I managed to complete my first year in UKM successfully balanced my academic and non-academic responsibilities . For years to come I had more intense desire to build more in my personal as a person to prepare myself before I enter the job market later.

1995-1996
I continued my involvement in UK. My performance in the first year was recognized and rewarded with more specific responsibilities. I was appointed to sit in the Board on UK to in the same time as the Director of the 14th Career Day of UKM in 1996. It was another very challenging and also a successful year at the end for me. Other than with UK I was involved partly in the annual dinner for the engineering faculty and also programs with the student association of Negeri Sembilan.

In that year we managed to secure more than RM86k for the 14th Career Day of UKM and all the UK members was rewarded with a vacation trip at Pulau Kapas. That achievement marked another great year for me as a person for being the director of the project and nothing can stop me to feel how grateful I was with the team that I had to achieve that.


Until now, I am still puzzled with the amount of money that we managed to secure within 4 months with the main involvement of about 30 first and second year students...together we have managed to market our project and to convince various organization especially the private companies to participate in the annual event with a strong guide and advise from more seniors members in UK. We secured RM15k for the main sponsor and a co sponsors with RM10,000 contribution...we doubled the price for the exhibition booths from the previous year and still we had to refused to late comers due to unavailability of space.

That was also the first time I gave a speech to hundreds of audience and shared the same rostrum with a very high level officials from UKM, the main sponsor and the ministry.


1996-1997
The year that I felt so fast to happen while I was still enjoying my campus life. I knew the moment will come where I need to move to another level of my life...new world and different world.

I completed my degree program just like others but I believe that I have gained something more valuable for me to keep pursuing my life in the future.

I was the chairman of UK in the last session of my study years in UKM. With my leadership and great people in my management team at UK, we continued the tradition with another successfully implemented projects and handed over the responsibilities to the next group of members who we believed to continue create more success stories for UK. We hoped and prayed that they will achieve something greater than what we have accomplished.

Personally I owed UK so much for all the experiences and knowledge that I learned to improve myself as a human especially. I realized my true potential and the most important things that I gained from all that was...I have become more certain on what I wanted to do and achieve the moment I stepped out from the campus to pursue my dreams! I also found true friends in UK where supports, helps and sacrifices for each other were unconditional. The bond between each of us just like true brothers and sisters that would never-never end and that is the main reason why most of us are still feel comfortable to contact each other until today.


*************************************************************************************

When I left UKM, I felt deeply in my heart that I was prepared enough for the "real" world after the campus life.
I believe in myself that I will survive and successful in pursuing my dreams along the way in my career. Challenges are about something for me to overcome and I did say it repeatedly to myself that nothing would be easy and the future will be full of bumpy rides and uncertainties. Thankful to Allah that has given me the strengths and guides throughout my campus life which enabled me to have the most important feeling for me to face my own future...I FEEL SO CERTAIN ABOUT MYSELF AND STRENGTHS THAT I HAVE IN ME TO MOVE FORWARD!

When I am looking back from where I came from, all that will remind me that it has been a long way before I reached here today. What matters now is all about differences that I can make in the future while all my past will remain as something that can keep me motivated. It was a long journey and I would not be here today if I ignored what I did in the past. What we did moments or years ago brought us here today and what we do today will lead us to where were will be in tomorrow.

I just do not to regret myself in the future just because I failed to do something that I am suppose to do today. I can see all that today since there were many things that I did since I was small has been giving so much impact to my life at the next stage after another...even until today. The world is ready to be explored by anyone and it does not matter where we come from and how we found our way to be there.

We need to have a good dream for ourself as a start and without that...most probably we may end up no where or end up with nothing! I had my dreams when I started to understand about life as a child and every small dream that I reached, it opened myself to dream for something greater and I just want to keep dreaming until the end of my life!

Life is great but it is up to us to make it great or miserable! Finding reasons for us not be the greatest is better than finding excuses for our failures.

Kawan-kawan...

Susah jugak kalau akau nak cakap yang aku ramai kawan. Rasanya most of the time yang aku spent masa dengan kawan ialah masa aku sekolah dan study universiti. Lepas habis zaman tu, kebanyakan masa aku hanyalah untuk kerja dan keluarga. Bila dah ada anak, ,lagilah pulak. Sesekali (amat jarang) aku keluar sorang-sorang jumpa kawan-kawan lepas kahwin...itu pun jarang sangat lama-lama sangat sampai lewat malam atau awal pagi.
Memang aku macam tu...masa aku bujang baru keja dulu pun, weekends biasanya aku lepak kat rumah atau balik kampung jenguk family.
So aku tak kecik hatilah kalau ada kawan-kawan yang tak ingatkan aku kalau ada depa nak jumpa and sembang-sembang lepas kerja atau weekends.

Ada jugak beberapa orang yang aku consider kawan baik/rapat aku (tak taulah dioarang rasa macam mana pasal aku). Rapat/baik to me are friends yang aku tak rasa kekok nak contact diorang bila-bila je yang aku teringat. Tak kisahlah aku dah lama tak contact atau tak jumpa dia. Surely definition rapat aku tu tak melibatkan aku jumpa dia selalu atau habiskan masa kat kedai mamak, main futsal, bowling atau apa-apa pun.

Zaman sekolah rendah...antara yang aku rapat ialah geng sekampung dan satu sekolah.
If I can name a few... they are Ahmad Rithaudeen, Shahrom Mokhtar ....
and I've lost contact with all of them now

Sekolah menengah...biasalah kat boarding school...names that still in my mind now are Azhari, Mohd Nazir, Azmi Syukri and the only female...Normila ( we were in relationship for some time)
Still keep in touch regularly with Nazir ( staying nearby my house) and Azmi. Recently I managed to keep in touch with Azhari ..thanks to Facebook! The latest news I heard about Normila is she got married with my ex-roommate in the boarding school and she is running her own legal firm now.

Lepas habis SPM, masa tunggu result tu, entah macam mana aku selalu pulak keep in touch dengan Abdul Halim. Kalau nak kira, aku classmate dia dari form one sampai form five tapi baik-baik camtu jelah...ada something yang dia share dengan aku sebelum dia fly pegi Canada sambung belajar. Ada jugak aku received news from him at the early stage but lost contact lepas tu. Bertahun jugak rasanya.Lepas dia balik dan kerja, terkejut jugak aku bila one day dia contacted aku..and..from that time...we are in touch until now and share many stories about life and works.

Bila masuk UKM, kawan-kawan aku come from different groups of people...
Masa matrik UKM..kamcing dengan Samnudi sebab dia sekelas dengan aku masa kat MRSM Seremban dan PMKP. He is a doctor now we are still keep in touch. Ada terhenti sekejap sebab hilang phone no. Masa kat PMKP, rapat jugak dengan Khairul Nizam yang satu kelas masa kat PMKP and then satu kamsis dan fakulti kat Bangi. He took electrical & electronics but aku ambik mechanical engineering. Dia keja dengan TNB lepas tu and now studying at NZ.






Masuk UKM Bangi aku start rapat dengan Norharisham..satu kamsis kat hostel and satu jabatan kat fakulti.
Of course masa matrik UKM jugak aku kenal dengan wife aku sekarang. Kira lepas aku confirmed dengan dia dulu, surely dialah yang jadi the best friend aku sampai sekarang lah kan! he he he!







































Masa kat Bangi jugak aku masuk Urusetia Kerjaya. Ini yang paling unik sebab semua members UK yang aku kenal..aku rasa rapat dengan semua orang because we are in a small group. Walaupun ramai yang dah lost contact sekarang, I would never-never feel strange to communicate with any of them.
Amongst all...the closet with me are Baharuddin, Rahim, Ahmad Tarmizi, NorAfeendi and few more from the same batch. Still very much in touch until now...especially Baharuddin. Banyak perkara dengan hidup yang aku share dan ada yang sama-sama lalui dengan dia.

Then aku start keja...ada jugaklah yang still keep in touch sampai sekarang. Kawan-kawan daripada mula aku kerja dulu sampai sekarang...
Tempat mula-mula aku keja dulu...aku kenal Steve and Azizah ...sampai sekarang we are still in the same field of work although we are now working with different organization. Here also I knew a friend that turned to be someone I will hate in my entire life which Steve and Azizah would know the name.







Later I met with Lim Jin Aun in another company. He was my superior but after I left we still communicate for many other reasons as a friend. In the next company I knew Danny Leong, Chin Kuan Hwa and Sim Lee Sun. Worked together not for a very long time but we were just became good buddies and good friends today. Then I met with Ananthamoorthy who was also my boss but untill today we talked over the phone occassionaly.





In 2007, aku started my Master program in Industrial Safety Management kat UKM. Dah habis class early this year but pending lagi sebab thesis masih tak siap sampai sekarang due to works. Kat sana aku jumpa jugak kawan-kawan baru dan almost all of them will graduate this coming August. Lepas habis weekend classes tu aku cuma masih keep in touch over the phone occassionaly dengan Noraziman dan Hafiz. Yang lain just via yahoogroups.

Kat tempat keja sekarang...hard to say but I'm trying to be nice to everyone. Just a little but more open and close with those who where in same unit with me before I was promoted last year. They are still here except one who left to join TNB and I'm still in touch with him, Nasaruddin.

Bila fikir pasal kawan ni, aku taklah memilih sangat dengan siapa aku akan berkawan tapi aku senang being honest and straight forward with everyone sama ada dengan yang rapat atau kenal-kenal macam tu je. Sombong dengan sesiapa pun bukanlah sikap aku sebab aku akan tegur sesiapa je yang aku kenal atau rasa-rasa macam kenal kat mana-mana je. Pernah jugak aku tersilap orang tapi tak kisahlah,,bukan luak pun.

Pegangan aku mudah...aku akan hormati setiap orang tak kisah dia sapa, kerja apa, dari mana, dulu pernah benci kat aku/tidak atau apa-apa sajalah. Aku akan cakap openly apa yang aku rasa tentang apa-apa perkara dan bukan niat aku untuk sakitkan hati dia atau main-mainkan kata-kata dia. Persepsi dua hala dan ia adalah hak masing-masing. Bagi aku, kawan-kawan aku berhak untuk rasa selesa berkawan dengan aku sebagaiman dia orang berhak untuk tidak suka atau benci pada aku sebab aku pun rasa aku punya hak yang sama.



Aku akan terima dia sebagai dia untuk berkawan dengan aku dan I'm expecting the same thing from any of them. Aku takkan buang masa fikirkan kawan-kawan yang suka kencing kawan atau cari kawan only untuk menangis bersama atau nakkan something. Susah nak ukur keikhlasan kawan-kawan ni but I know who I can trust and all names that I mentioned here are some of them. Aku pun tak suka nak cari pasal dengan kawan-kawan aku atau sesapa pun yang aku kenal.

My wife did tell me that I am very peramah and it is true because sometime I can talk to a stranger in the middle of nowhere like knowing him/her for years. May be due to my attitude that we can talk on any matter as long as we are sincere and do not want to take advantage on each other. There were and still they are friends called me just for business intentions and disappeared when I turned them down but there are friends managed to do some business with me although I said no initially. I bought most all of my insurance policies , unit trusts and other services from my friends and surely they have to gain my trust and respect.
To me, it is all about the way you talk and treat your friends. I don't feel anything if strangers do that to me but with someone that you know as a friend, there are always better ways to get what you want from them.


To all my friends or whoever still remember me...
I have changed as you do but friendship can remain forever.
Hidup kita akan berubah selagi kita melangkah tapi persahabatan yang tidak ada apa-apa sebarang syarat akan lebih bermakna sekiranya ia kekal begitu walau pada usia mana pun kita bertemu semula.

3. MULAKAN DARIPADA SAAT INI

Jangan bertangguh untuk berubah menjadi yang lebih baik kerana tiada yang pasti untuk kita walaupun satu saat yang seterusnya daripada sekarang.
Kita tak tau apakah peluang akan ada lagi untuk kita esok. Macam-macam boleh berlaku kerana nyawa kita ini hanya Allah saja yang boleh tetapkan sampai bila ia akan terus ada dalam tubuh kita.
Pernah juga terdetik dalam hati aku sendiri cukup ke kebaikan yang aku buat pada mak dan ayah masa mereka sihat dulu untuk mereka nikmati sebagai manusia yang sihat dan normal. Cukup ke apa yang telah aku buat untuk menggembirakan mereka.
Kini bila mereka dah jadi tak sihat macam biasa seperti sekarang...rasanya banyak lagi yang aku patut lakukan dulu yang kalau aku lakukan sekarang takkan sama cara mereka menikmatinya.

Apa yang kita ada pada masa sekarang...itulah yang sepatutnya lebih dihargai dan syukuri kerana apa yang kita harapkan esok masih belum pasti akan bawa kita ke mana.

Jangan mencari alasan untuk tidak berubah sekarang sebaliknya carilah kekuatan agar kita boleh lakukannya secepat mungkin kerana saat yang berlalu takkan sama dengan apa yang ada sekarang atau akan datang. Berubah kepada perkara yang lebih baik hanya akan membuka pintu kepada lebih banyak kebaikan pada kita. Jika ditangguhkan, mungkin kita akan leka, lupa atau hilang terus kekuatan dan peluang untuk melakukannya.
Pernah jugak terjadi dalam diri aku sendiri...bila buat benda yang kita rasa betul dan baik di sisi agama, ia takkan dihargai. Malah kadang-kadang diperlekehkankan atau dihalang terus. Persepsi negatif akan tetap ada andai kita mahu berubah.

Pernah dulu pakcik aku sendiri memperlekehkan cita-cita aku untuk sampai ke universiti ketika aku bergelumang dengan lumpur dan bermain dengan kerbau di sawah.

Pernah kawan-kawan aku sendiri mempertikaikan aku kerana aktif dalam aktiviti-aktiviti persatuan di UKM sedangkan aku pelajar kejuruteraan. Anggapannya, engineering students are too busy dan takkan ada masa untuk semua tu and none of them expected that I can balance the two. I went against all that negative thoughts and proved to myself all that have contributed so much in my personality development until now. Memanglah it was not an easy journey tapi aku dapat rasakan betapa ruginya aku sekarang kalau aku tak ambil langkah itu dulu.

Hidup di dunia bukannya lama. Masa yang ada sekarang inilah untuk kita putuskan banyak perkara baik yang boleh kita lakukan. Kalau kita leka buat dosa sekarang, itu jugaklah bekalan yang kita akan bawa bertemu Allah di akhirat nanti. Peluang untuk berubah mungkin kita akan nampak dengan jelas kadang-kadang tapi selalunya kita tak sedar bahawa masa yang ada itulah sebenarnya peluang yang Allah beri untuk kita. Sayanglah kalau kita sia-siakan sedangkan kita mungkin sedar dengan semua kemungkaran yang kita telah biasa buat selama ini.

Sama-samalah kita fikirkan..ingatlah 5 perkara sebelum datang lagi lima perkara yang mungkin kita takkan ada kesempatan langsung untuk berubah pada esok hari...

1. Hidup sebelum mati
2. Senang sebelum susah
3. Lapang sebelum sibuk
4. Sihat sebelum sakit
5. Kaya sebelum miskin

...tak sure accurate atau tidak all that five but the point is...kita tak patut tunggu untuk berubah jadi baik sebab kita tak pasti walaupun kita mampu buat sebanyak-banyak kebaikan esok, cukupkah semua tu atau sempatkah kita untuk melakukannya sehingga mampu menghapuskan segala kemungkaran dan dosa yang kita telab buat sebelum tu....


Renungan hadis untuk peringatan dan panduan kita sesama kawan-kawan.

Tajuk :

Pilihan terbaik

Hadith :

“Daripada Aisyah r.a. katanya, Rasulullah saw. tidak pernah memilih antara dua perkara melainkan baginda akan memilih yang paling mudah antara keduanya selagi perkara itu tidak mendatangkan dosa. Jika mendatangkan dosa, baginda adalah orang yang pertama menjauhinya. Rasulullah s.a.w juga tidak pernah menuntut sesuatu perkara untuk kepentingan dirinya melainkan dilakukan untuk kesucian agama Allah, maka pembelaan yang dilakukan olehnya adalah semata-mata kerana Allah Taala.” Riwayat al-Bukhari dan Muslim

Huraian 1. Islam adalah agama Allah. Oleh itu kesuciannya hendaklah sentiasa dipelihara dan dimuliakan. 2. Segala perkara yang dilakukan hendaklah diniatkan kerana Allah S.W.T. Oleh itu umat Islam janganlah terburu-buru dalam bertindak apalagi terhadap sesuatu yang remeh-temeh kecuali terhadap perkara-perkara yang menyentuh kepentingan agama. 3. Islam memberi kelonggaran kepada umatnya melakukan perkara yang mudah dan senang selagi ia tidak mendatangkan dosa. Sekiranya mendatangkan dosa hendaklah dijauhi dengan apa cara sekalipun.

Duty at the Parliament House

29 June 2009

Another day of my work at the parliament. Confirmed by the coordinator and my office that the minister will attend the session today and will answer an oral question related to energy efficiency.
So, this morning I was at the parliament since 8.30 a.m. There were familiar faces from the ministry when I entered the ministry's room at about 9.00 a.m with my director.
We were called by the minister at about 9.30 a.m to brief him on information that he needed before he answer the question in the house.
I was a little bit nervous initially since it was the first time I have to answer the minister straight away in front of his officers and others from the ministry. Anyway, the briefing was very smooth and the minister seems happy with answers and explanation provided from by everyone in the room.

Then all of us listened to him "live" from the big screen TV in the room when he answered in to other members of the parliament in the house. I guess everyone of us in the room was very satisfied when we completed his answers and we left the room with a big smile after saying thank you ton each other until we meet up again.

When I left at about 12.00 p.m, I did not see any "incident" that sometime occurred due to some issues in the country outside the dewan.


I've been assigned on duty at the parliament since last year but that was as an assistant for another senior officer. Since then, I attended about 2 sessions at the dewan rakyat and another 1 session at the Dewan Negara. This assignment has been very new for me since I've never stepped into the parliament before that in my entire life.

However, the parliament house has become a familiar place for me now and to be honest it has been very interesting to be there as well. Other than as a resource person for my organization, I have direct access to witness the sessions live from inside the house itself. Faces of ministers ,other politicians and many more key figures from various organizations are available to be seen around there and those faces are normally see them in the newspapers of televisions if were a general public.

Witnessing the debates and exchanging of words among the MPs have been exciting all the time and indirectly all that have given me more insight on how policies being decided and issues being argued by our leaders in this country.

Other than that, ppportunities for me meeting with other officers or key people from other agencies or ministries giving me more exposure and input on what is happening in the country at least from the administrative point of view.

Today, it was another full day at the parliament since I have to be there again to attend the another special briefing organized by the ministry with the utility company at 3.00 p.m.

One part of my life...

Mulai ahad lepas, mak dan ayah tinggal dengan aku semula kat rumah aku di Nilai. Dulu pernah diorang tinggal sekali dengan aku masa rumah aku di Rawang, tapi hantar semula balik kampung sebab mereka tak selesa..nak jugak duduk kat rumah diorang sendiri kat kampung.

Kali ini mereka tak ada pilihan sebab adik aku yang no. 5 yang tinggal dengan dia kat kampung dah nak bersalin anytime soon. We have explored all options and finally we decided they will stay with me sampai kak cik selesai berpantang bersalin nanti. Lagi pun mak dan ayah memang selalu datang kat rumah aku sebab aku masih bawak mereka pergi berurut di Serdang. Paling kurang pun sekali sebulan atau sekali dalam dua minggu. Kadang-kadang adik aku saja bawak diorang datang berehat kat rumah aku pada hujung minggu.

Bermula lah semula rutin harian yang perlu aku buat dengan mak dan ayah sebab diorang pun bukan sihat sangat. Officially , they have declared as Orang Kurang Upaya disebab keadaan fizikal dan emosi mereka sejak kena angin ahmar.

Mak kena angin ahmar sejak awal tahun 2000 dan ayah pula kena awal tahun 2005.
Generally keadaan mereka agak stabil dan much better berbanding awal -awal mereka kena dulu.
Mak was fully bedridden selama lebih kurang 45 hari sejak dia kena. Langsung tidak boleh bercakap walaupun suaranya masih keluar. Kemudian boleh duduk dan tak boleh bangun serta berjalan hampir setahun. Lepas pergi treatment kat hospital dan urutan tradisional...dia boleh berjalan tapi very weak. After 2 years...she is getting more stable walaupun masih tak boleh bercakap tapi boleh uruskan diri dia sendiri seperti mandi, ke tandas, makan dan berjalan dengan perlahan.

Kemudian ayah pula kena. Masuk ICU lebih kurang 2 minggu, then HDU dekat sebulan. Ayah kena stroke tu masa dia tengah naik motor dan terus accident dengan satu motor lain.Masa ayah kat wad hospital Seremban, aku dan adik-adik aku take turn untuk temankan dia kat hospital. Aku akan ke hospital lepas kerja dan tidur di hospital jaga ayah. His conditions was a little bit more complicated due to the trauma of the accident. Dia tak kenal orang atau faham apa-apa langsung bila sedar. Ada satu masa tangan dia terpaksa diikat di palang katil supaya dia tak rosakkan kelengkapan hospital dekat dengan katil dia. Ayah terpaksa makan guna liquid melalui salur plastik ke dalam hidung dia. Kami terpaksa beri dia susu khas as recommended by the doctor for almost six month. Other than that, buang air kecil pun terpaksa guna salur getah dan masuk dalam bekas tiub getah yang kena buang dan di basuh semula bila dah penuh. Mungkin pengalaman menjaga mak buatkan kami adik beradik lebih bersedia untuk menjaga ayah. Everything is discussed in depth and decided together as a family although most of the time, my sisters expect me to decide in many things.

Actually sampai sekarang ayah dan mak masih tak boleh bercakap dengan normal but after years of taking of them, sounds that they make slowly become more difahami by everyone of us.

So, macam biasalah. Bila aku balik kerja, aku akan check ayah dah mandi ke belum. Kalau aku mula rasa badan dia dah berbau peluh, aku mandikan dia dan cuci dengan shower cream with body brush. Then gunting rambut shave misai dan janggut dia kalau dah panjang sikit. Dia memang suka kalau aku gunting rambut dan shaving dia. Berbanding masa dulu, sekarang ayah dah boleh cuci air kecil dan air besar sendiri. Rasanya tak susah nak jaga sangat kecuali kena perhatikan pergerakan diorang takut-takut kalau tergelincir atau terjatuh. Mak dah boleh berjalan sendiri but ayah boleh berjalan very slowly dengan tongkat dia.

Bila aku kat rumah, aku selalu jugak sembang-sembang dengan mak dan ayah walaupun mereka tak boleh reply tapi faham apa yang aku cakap. Syukur jugaklah..anak-anak aku pun rajin jugak lawan sembang dengan dengan atuk dan uwan diorang. Kadang-kadang diorang sama-sama merajuk dan bergaduh macam budak-budak dengan anak-anak aku.

Dulu aku ada maid dan dia boleh settle kan urusan kemas-mengemas rumah but no more now. Luckily anak-anak aku pun dah boleh diharap nak mengemas mana yang boleh dan jaga bilik masing-masing. Lepas our last maid left in 2006, slowly aku ajar anak-anak aku mula buat kerja rumah. Mula-mula kemas katil dan pastikan bilik diorang tak bersepah. Then lipat dan susun kain dalam almari pakaian dalam bilik masing-masing. Sekarang dah boleh harap kumpulkan baju dan cuci dalam washing machine sebelum atau atau wife aku sidai di ampaian. Bila balik sekolah diorang angkat baju yang dah kering dan lipat pakaian masing-masing. At sekarang dah banyak perkara diorang sendiri dah boleh buat termasuk kemas meja makan, basuh pinggan dan cawan masing-masing lepas makan, buatkan susu adik diorang, vacuum bilik sendiri dan lately ni Zaim dan berani offer vacuum kereta pulak. So, aku tengok hasilnya...not bad. Boleh la untuk budak umur macam dia. Rasanya the only thing yang anak-anak aku tak buat lagi ialah ironing their own shirts sebab aku rasa not safe yet to allow them. I'm still doing it for their school uniforms and mine as well. Since last year, diorang jugak dah kena cuci toilet diorang sendiri at least sebulan sekali. Kira ok.lah masa aku kat asrama dulu, semuanya kena kemaskan setiap hari dan cuci dorm seminggu sekali.

So, wife aku boleh concentrate prepare meals je lepas balik kerja. Cuma sekarang kena masak extra sikit dan prepare meal untuk lunch mak dan ayah awal pagi sebelum pergi kerja. Kadang-kadang kalau aku tengok dia pun penat sangat, aku ajak je makan kat luar dan tapau je untuk mak dan ayah.

Syukurlah sebab memang sejak dari mula mak dan ayah sakit lagi, wife aku tak pernah sekali merungut atau timbulkan apa-apa masalah bagi aku. Maklumlah, jaga orang sakit kadang-kadang memberi tekanan dan menguji kesabaran. Sesekali dia mengadu penat dan aku akan buat apa yang perlu untuk ringankan apa yang dia kena buat. Aku amat-amat hargai dan sentiasa bersyukur dengan komitmen wife aku sama-sama jaga mak dan ayah. Semua ahli keluarga aku juga merasai yang sama yang betapa bersyukur dan bertuahnya mereka ada kakak ipar yang begitu memahami seperti dia.

Mungkin ini juga cara Allah nak beri peluang kepada kami semua untuk mendapat pahala dengan menjaga mak dan ayah sendiri. Mungkin agak sukar bagi sesetengah orang tapi demi Allah, aku tak pernah sedikit terasa ia membebankan. Mungkin ini jugalah caranya cara aku dapat membalas walaupun mungkin tak seberapa berbanding segala apa yang mereka dah lakukan untuk membesarkan dan mendidik aku adik-beradik selama ini.

Harapan aku juga agar anak-anak aku dapat melihat sendiri apa juga yang aku lakukan untuk mak dan ayah aku. Semoga mereka dapat memikirkan sendiri suatu hari nanti dan lakukan apa yang perlu.

Dalam menguruskan rumahtangga, aku lebih selesa dan membimbing isteri dan anak-anak aku by showing some examples by myself. Rutin harian yang aku tunjukkan seboleh-bolehnya akan selari dengan apa yang aku mahu dan harap mereka ikut.
Dalam sesetangah hal, aku make it very clear that my wife boleh tegur aku dengan cara yang patut kalau aku tunjukkan contoh yang tak baik walau pun secara tak sengaja and vice versa. Selalu jugak aku kena tegur sebab sikap panas baran aku yang tak semena-mena dan kadang-kadang terkeluar dalam kata-kata sebab aku marahkan benda lain tetapi depan anak-anak aku.
Lagi pun kalau boleh aku nak juga rumahtangga aku jadi contoh kepada adik-adik aku.

Kalau aku buat salah atau buat tak kena, aku akan mintak maaf walaupun pada anak-anak aku. And now...aku boleh lihat anak-anak juga cepat-cepat minta maaf kalau ada apa-apa yang tak kena.
A very simple rule as well. Yang salah tetap salah walaupun aku yang buat. Same rules applies to everyone.

Selalu jugak aku tengok mak dan ayah perhatikan saja cara dan tabiat aku dalam hidup aku seharian. Kadang-kadang mereka sedih jugak bila anak aku kena marah dan kadang-kadang kena rotan juga kalau salah besar but they never stop me. Sebab mungkin diorang pun sedar ada elemen-elemen yang aku amalkan sekarang adalah apa yang aku lalui dulu dan itulah yang mendidik aku sampai sekarang.

Hopefully kali ni mak dan ayah tak "buat hal" sebab nak balik kampung semula. Sebabnya kadang-kadang diorang ni bukan ingat sangat apa yang aku cakap.Macam malam tadi, mak ingat dia nak balik dah this coming sunday but dia je diam bila aku kata yang kak cik dah nak bersalin dan dia kena tinggal kat rumah aku sementara waktu.

Sejak mak dan ayah sakit banyak hal tentang keluarga dan adik-adik bergantung kepada aku. Kalau ada apa-apa hal, adik-adik aku akan refer kat aku sebab mak dan ayah dah tak macam dulu. Ada jugak masanya adik-adik aku mengeluh dan rasa tertekan sebab masing-masing pun ada tanggunjawab dan tekanan dalam rumahtangga masing-masing. Namun syukurlah, setakat ini, semua perkara dapat dibincangkan dan keputusan yang dibuat adalah untuk kepentingan mak, ayah dan adik-adik aku yang masih di sekolah menengah. We compliment each other mana yang boleh dan hakikatnya akulah yang jadi jadi "ayah" sekarang.

Mungkin itu satu tanggungjawab yang terlalu besar untuk seorang manusia seusia aku tapi aku redha inilah yang Allah tetapkan untuk aku tunaikan. Rasanya apa yang aku perlu hadapi tak seberapa kalau nak dibandingkan mereka yang berada dalam keadaan lebih sukar daripada aku.
Sekurang-kurangnya Allah mudahkan aku dalam banyak perkara lain seperti kesihatan yang baik, kerja yang agak settled dan rumahtangga yang cukup untuk rasa bahagia menikmati hidup aku.

Mungkin nampak di mata manusia masih tidak cukup dengan apa yang telah aku lakukan pada mak dan ayah namun aku tahu dan aku yakin Allah mengetahui segala-galanya...hanya keredhaan dan berkat-Nya saja yang aku harap kerana itulah yang memberi aku kekuatan untuk terus tunaikan tanggugjawab aku pada mak dan ayah.
Setidak-tidaknya aku tidak pernah sekali pun berpaling langkah untuk mengambil mudah atau cuba lari daripada kenyataan dan tanggungjawab yang ada untuk aku.
Biarlah Allah yang menilai segala-galanya dan cukuplah bagi aku untuk aku kongsi bahagia hidup aku dengan insan-insan yang teramat penting dalam hidup aku...

2. TO START WITH SMALL THINGS

change must start somewhere at some point and with something to start with.
Hard to choose which one to start normally and in the end we don't do anything and end up with the same thing as it is.

We often heard the phrase of " think big" and " be ambitious" or " touch the sky before you drop" and many more. It all about something very-very good and so great that we should strive and achieve.

for me, thousands steps will start with one step. We grow from a little baby to who we are today. Great things started with simple ideas or conceptual.
A book is full of sentences and a sentence is made from words..words come from letters and a letter is a combination of many tiny dots...and that dots are combination of many single dot.

All come from the smallest thing and in life...I believe to start with something basics or small as a fundamental for us to go for bigger goals and dreams.

It has been so natural that we always think big and look very far a head on what we need to do.
Once we have decided that we need to change and will start with ourself...we should start with the small things to indicate the change. We can't change anything if we don't even sure to take care of ourself.

For something good, it should start from us, then our family, relatives and so on. There many people out there who can take of thousands staff in their companies but having ruined family and marriage life. People with millions of other people who are very obedient to them but end up having a children involved in drugs and crimes. We talked so deep and big about Islam but won't even the strength to ensure we follow the fundamentals of this religion. This is strange but those are the reality.

There people who are not even praying five times a day as muslim but talking about how to change Muslims to become better. The fundamentals of ibadah or the core in Islam is praying and yet we look it so small until we don't do it or take it lightly in our pursuit for bigger things.

Small things that we do today can me the strongest base for us to move further. Like a building with unstable base will collapse in just a matter of time.

I can see that the teachings in our religion has been always being small in the priority list although we always deny it. We said that we fear Allah but we willingly do sinful things. We tend to justify why we need to do it rather than finding ways to avoid it. At some points I heard people said this " why don't we do it a little bit because it is the norm and others also doing it". In the end , we let others dictate whether its sinful or not.

"sikit-sikit, lama-lama jadi bukit"...that's why bukit is very strong and stable (until human destroying them)
" kuman di seberang nampak tapi gajah depan mata tak nampak"...kuman is damaging but we still looking at them first!

We always overlooked the small things but in the end, bigger things don't guarantee us anything.

For a change in life...
Small things will carry on to add the weight and that added weight will make what we wanted to achieve become big and stronger.
Small things will be the core of big things and also to fill up the gap that may emerge through out the journey to get the big one.
Start small and then achieve greatness and that will last longer...more meaningful when we start to appreciate smallest things that we have done when we reached the biggest accomplishment in our life.



"Life is enjoyable and to be enjoyed although it is or looks
small"

1. MULAKAN DENGAN DIRI SENDIRI...

Ada beza antara berubah dan mahu berubah.
Sedar atau tidak dan suka atau tidak...setiap hari kita berubah. Paling kurang pun usia kita dah bertambah sehari berbanding semalam. Hari ini takkan sama seperti semalam dan malahan saat ini banyak yang berbeza berbanding saat yang baru saja kita tinggalkan beberapa saat yang lepas.

Mahu berubah????...biasanya kita mahu berubah kepada yang lebih baik sama ada daripada pandangan kita, orang atau pun agama. Kita harapkan perubahan yang baik itu akan berlaku pada diri kita. Kalau tak berubah juga...kadang-kadang kita give-up, salahkan apa saja, marah, menyesal dan macam-macam lagi.

Bagi aku sendiri...
Cara aku dibesarkan, persekitaran yang ada dan apa-apa yang aku ada sejak kecil banyak mempengaruhi perubahan yang aku mahukan dalam hidup aku. Kehidupan aku semasa kanak-kanak memang banyak mempengaruhi diri aku tentang apa perbezaan yang aku mahukan dalam hidup aku akan datang.

Aku mampu mengubahnya dan untuk itu aku sendiri yang perlu melakukan perubahan itu untuk mencapai apa yang aku mahukan.
Aku mahukan kehidupan yang lebih selesa dan paling kurang pun anak-anak aku juga akan ada kehidupan yang jauh lebih selesa berbanding apa yang aku nikmati pada masa itu.

Aku tetapkan azam aku sejak aku kecil sambil memerhati kepayahan ayah dan mak membesarkan aku. Pesan ayah pada aku bahawa kalau aku mahu senang, aku mesti belajar rajin-rajin jadi satu pegangan dalam hidup aku pada masa itu.

Aku belajar sebaik mungkin di sekolah di sebalik bau busuk dan hanyir aku bergelumang dengan lumpur dan air lopak sawah selepas habis masa sekolah. Aku teringat lagi ketika aku terpaksa berjalan merentasi sungai dan sawah dengan kaki ayam aku setiap hari lepas sekolah hanya untuk pergi belajar Bahasa Inggeris di rumah makcik aku di kampung sebelah. Teringat juga lagi bila sepupu aku minta aku duduk jauh sikit masa makcik aku ajar kami sebab peluh badan aku yang busuk katanya.

Kenangan masa itu cuma tinggal sebagai memori yang takkan hilang dalam hidup aku.
Jika aku sendiri tak mahu lakukan semua itu dulu dan tempuhi semua tu dengan sabar...mungkin aku takkan ke mana pun sekarang.

Pelajaran tentang hidup yang aku pegang sampai sekarang...jika kita mahukan perubahan, kita yang patut mulakan perubahan itu. Asas bahasa Inggeris yang makcik aku ajar dululah yang buatkan aku tak rasa rendah diri bila berurusan dengan dengan semua orang dalam dan luar negara sekarang ini. Aku sedar kemampuan Bahasa Inggeris aku masih belum sempurna namun ia cukup meyakinkan untuk aku melaksanakan tugas-tugas dalam kerjaya aku selama ini.

Mengharapkan yang lain agar kita berubah akan lebih mengecewakan jika akhirnya tiada apa yang berubah. Mengharap sesuatu dengan kita sendiri yang berubah adalah lebih baik kerana kita pasti yang kita telah melakukan sesuatu untuk diharapkan dan biasanya kita akan buat sesuatu yang terbaik untuk diri sendiri. Aku cuma memikirkan betapa banyak perkara yang dalam kawalan kita sendiri andai kita sendiri yang melakukannya. Setidak-tidaknya kita tahu apa lagi yang masih tidak dan perlu kita lakukan untuk mencapai apa yang kita mahukan. Selebihnya ialah urusan Allah untuk tentukan keputusan hasil usaha kita.



Aku bukan jenis yang suka menyalahkan orang lain tentang apa-apa kesukaran yang perlu aku lalui dalam hidup. Perkara yang pertama aku tanya apabila sesuatu yang kurang menyenangkan berlaku pada aku...adakah ia salah aku? adakah aku telah melakukan apa yang perlu untuk menghalangnya?....dan aku tak kecil hati jika aku juga yang dipersalahkan...biarlah jika ianya benar-benar salah aku atau pun tidak. Apa yang penting bagi aku ialah..apa nak buat lepas perkara tu berlaku?
Aku bertanggungjawab sepenuhnya terhadap setiap keputusan yang aku buat untuk hidup aku dan takkan luak apa pun pegangan aku jika aku dipersalahkan andai ia tak cukup bagus atau sempurna pada pandangan orang lain.

Bagi aku...apa yang aku buat akan tentukan apa hasil yang aku harapkan. Jika sesuatu perlu berubah dan aku dapat jangkakan itulah yang terbaik untuk hidup aku...akulah yang akan berubah dulu. Pengalaman mengajar bahawa aku tidak boleh terlalu mengharapkan orang lain untuk mengubah masa depan aku agar jadi lebih baik. Aku takkan ke mana-mana kalau asyik harapkan ayah sediakan segala-galanya untuk aku belajar dulu kalau aku sendiri malas nak belajar.

Dalam kerja,
aku tak mengharapkan tempat kerja mengubah aku agar aku dapat apa yang aku mahukan. Aku akan cari peluang dan buat perubahan yang perlu dari segi cara aku berkerja untuk mencapai matlamat aku. Yang penting aku tak dengki pada orang dan aniaya orang lain dalam mengejar impian dalam kerjaya aku. Jika aku "naik"..biarlah kerana diri aku dan kemampuan aku dalam bidang yang aku bagus. Aku mahu dikenali dalam kerja kerana kemampuan aku atau kekompetenan aku dalam bidang aku...bukannya lebih kerana sebab-sebab yang lain daripada itu.

Dalam keluarga
Sekurang-kurangnya aku sendiri menunjukkan contoh yang baik kepada isteri-isteri, anak-anak dan adik-adik aku.


Buat masa ini..hanya kesyukuran pada Allah yang aku selalu ingatkan dalam hati aku atas segala perubahan-perubahan baik yang Allah jadikan dengan usaha-usaha aku selama ini.

Untuk menggapai impian...aku mesti memulakan dengan diri sendiri...
aku perlukan sokongan dan semangat daripada mereka yang penting dalam hidup aku
untuk aku melakukan segala yang aku mampu...
dan akhirnya doa dan redha dengan segala yang Allah tentukan untuk terjadi untuk aku.


Mungkin apa yang aku capai tak sehebat mana namun jauh dalam hati ini aku tahu kehidupan yang aku ada bersama keluarga aku sekarang jauh lebih baik dengan apa yang aku ada satu masa dulu. Ia lagi bermakna kerana semuanya dapat dirasai dan dikongsi bersama oleh ayah dan mak aku sekarang ni. Mungkin lebih 30 tahun dulu semuanya adalah impian atau angan-angan aku namun ian realiti yang perlu aku syukuri sekarang ini. Semuanya bermula dengan perubahan yang aku mahukan...dan aku sendiri yang memulakannya.

"We will move faster with the steps that we take and not steps taken by others"